"There are days when I feel the best of me are ready to begin. "
I haven't thought of that song in so long. I have just completed week 3 of Beth Moore's Bible study "Breaking Free." I, as usual, arrogantly tried to assume the Holy Spirit's role to try and figure out what areas I need to work on. I love the Lord. I trust Him. Why then do I continue to struggle with doing what He says? I am learning that it is because I am a dangler. I give things to the Lord and then I hold on so tightly that my feet are not touching the ground. I am dangling, peace beneath my feet if I would just let go.
Lately, I have had been dealing with 3 main issues with varying degrees of success:
1. God's will for the life of my family. I am quite certain He is ready to move us to a new stage in our life. I don't care where, you know that is what most of us would have trouble with., I have never really struggled with where. When? Now here is my issue. I am learning to let that go and it feels great! I know it is coming and when it does I'll be ready. For now, I am not dangling on this one anymore.
2. Our finances. Man have we flubbed that up several times. I now have Dave Ramsey in my ear whispering 'do you NEED it.' We are a year out from using credit cards. Oh we are still paying for them, we just don't use them. I would like to say that we would have made a huge dent in our debt by now if Jason hadn't lost one of his jobs. However, I don't think that would be the case. I don't think we were REALLY learning our lesson (DANGLING) until we had to fully rely on God for our daily bread. What a blessing that is!! It is stinking hard, but so totally worth it. I only want to be tied to the LOrd. I do not want to be tied to credit cards, or banks, or Heaven forbid the government! Anyway, this area is still a work in progress, but we are making strides, like a wobbly, baby gazelle.
3. Now for the area that I think I might still be grasping at, motherhood. Being a mother is all I have ever really wanted to be. Now I have three beautiful gifts from God. What do I do with them? Satan has a field day with me here, but I have news for him: that is coming to an end!!! I have struggled with how to discipline my very smart, VERY strong willed children. It is so easy for me to feel like a failure when they choose poorly. I hate punishing them at the same time I shudder to think about not punishing them. I love them so much and I am learning to let go and realize that loving them, praying for them, and teaching them about the Lord is the very best things I can do for them. Boy do I have a long way to go on this one, even now as I am typing I am standing on my tiptoes holding on for dear life.
So I will leave you to get "On My Knees."